The mark of a new year.

I do believe in setting intentions and goals. I’ve even had a ‘word of the year’ to inspire me. But I do not believe that January is the month that we should commit to much more than continued hibernation and post-festive recovery.

Whilst it may mark the beginning of the new year, I have always found it ambitious to commit to hard-and-fast, sustainable new habits in January. I am at my lowest energetic ebb, and new habits often require real commitment and drive.

And ‘New year, new you’ - screw you! This is a deeply unhelpful phrase - so can we just leave it at that please?

Sure, setting intentions and goals are a good way of moving forward in life. They help motivate us and help us chart progress and changing states. And there are some people in life who really thrive on clear goals to initiate action towards desired outcomes. But they can also build pressure, and can result in a sense of failure if not kept up or met.

Busy mothers - you - have enough on your plate without creating pressure to succeed or perform in new ways. We might well have a new rhythm or habit we want to embed - but are so frequently at the whim of other people’s needs that they can become difficult to keep up.

That’s not to say we shouldn’t strive to. In my coaching practice, it is common to hear that as a busy mother, there is simply no time to do ‘X’. (So there’s no point in trying.) But this suggests that your desired habit is an optional extra, rather than a variable that may change the playing field entirely.

So let’s use some slightly different language instead.

Choices choices.

In this new year, let’s focus on CHOICE. Let’s consider our degree of autonomy and what it means to have agency - that capacity to make an impression on the world, where your cause creates a palpable effect. Let’s think about what we SELECT this year, based on what needs your attention.

What I notice, having worked with (often working) mothers for many years, is that our choices can seem remote - that we don’t really have a firm grip on what we want for ourselves. I mean: decisions about our working lives, or how we spend our weekends, or how we fit exercise into our week. Choices can often feel polarised and out of our control.

We are often a bit out of touch with what we want - which can make decision making exhausting, and more usually guided by what we ‘should’ do or what feels least risky. We often prioritise what others need - security, steadiness, safety. And logistics often determine our to-do list and what makes most sense on paper.

And then a new year comes along and we feel the pressure to renew, revitalise, improve. It can feel a bit overwhelming and counterintuitive.

(Especially in January.)

New habits.

So, what would it take to know, and really trust, what is best for you? What information needs gathering to be able to make positive, confident choices about what you want and what is best for you - however small and managable? How do you build the agency and autonomy to make good decisions that work for you - and your family? How do you create the time to give these decisions your best thinking?

Sometimes competing needs seem impossibly incompatible. But sometimes, the discomfort you feel with the ‘shoulds’ is really frustrated desire you feel for something else - relegated until it seems like there might be a good time for it. There’s ‘no time’, right?

New job? Exercise routine? Socialising with friends? More creative practice? Greater fulfilment at work?

We need to be clear about what we want - and why - for us to be able to work out how to work this ‘something’ into our lives. We need to allow ourselves to dream a bit, imagine a future where ‘it’ exists, before we can put a plan in place to achieve it. We need to trust that ‘it’ has inherent value to us - and could change the way we see and feel about other aspects of our lives, too. It could change the playing field.

Time to explore…

Over the next few months, this membership space will offer you a chance gather some of that wisdom - the building blocks of crafting a working and a family life that feels right: not driven by endless goal setting (although there may be a touch of that), or adding something impossibly new, tacked on to an already busy existence. Instead, this choice will driven by a richer source of information about ourselves: who we are when we are at our best, what inspires and motivates us, and what we most want out of life - now and in the future.

Sure - you might be bound by a contract, or a mortgage, or a commitment to someone or something else. And pursuing what you want might involve taking a risk. It might also challenge assumptions you hold. In addition, what you want might surprise those around you who have their own story about what you should (or shouldn’t) do with your life. It may feel like an impossibly big change. Or a subtle tweak.

But this month, it’s time to ask - what do you really want in life? What do you chose next? What are you ready to pay attention to? What will you SELECT?

Resources.

To help you start to explore what choices you want to invest in this month, I’d start with the Wheel of Life below. Its a classic - and even if you’ve completed it before, it can be a great way to start thinking about what you want to attend to this year. You could also have a go at the Garden exercise - a nice creative exercise to do with the whole family.

There are the Blind Questions for those of you who want to get cracking - who are ready to set a goal and work towards something new. But they also work well once you’ve done some of the other thinking first: they will help you create a plan of action.

The other resources are there to help you consider how to make decisions, how to SELECT. We often rely on old methods - that don’t always work or could be up for a refresh. Have a look and see if there is a new way of thinking about new habits, positive change and what you want from the year ahead.