What keeps you steady?
Photo Emma Gosset @ Unsplash
In the face of something new, we rely on our existing resources and resilience to help us navigate the newness. We rely on our stories and beliefs, on what we know to be ‘true’ and our experience to date to help us grow. It is rare that we start from scratch with anything as an adult…
Even in enormously strong plants - especially in enormously strong plants - there are more roots below ground than there are are branches above, keeping the whole thing steady in the face of elemental forces.
What keeps you steady in the face of elemental forces?
In coaching, we might suggest a glance at our strengths, our achievements (see the Achievement Tree activity from last month), and our values - a holy trinity of insights that help us feel, well, grounded in who we are.
But what else can we feel grateful for - both internal and external sources of support - that help us withstand the pressures of life, and enable our branches to emerge strong and tall above the ground in plain sight?
Reasons to be cheerful…
First then, list 10 things you feel grateful for this week - that provide you with a sense of rootedness, support and safety.
You might choose…
Early morning swims to clear the cobwebs and feel ready for the day ahead
Chats with my best pal/sister/dad every other week
Open communication with your partner or loved one
Meditation or breathing exercises most days
Of those 10, choose 5 that you will either thank or reciprocate or nurture in the next week or so. Reaching out to demonstrate your gratitude is great for both giver and receiver. Finding new ways to share your gratitude can also be rewarding for both.
Of those, notice which source of rootedness and strength provides you with the greatest satisfaction in the course of the next fortnight. By paying attention more frequently, the positivity offered by this source gets replayed again and again. You help rewrite your story based on what you know to be true.
Rewriting the script, from the roots up
The TED talk below is from John Sharp, a psychologist who offers some suggestions about what to do with the story we construct for ourselves (see another post ‘What are your roots?’). His argument is that as adults, we can adopt some positive psychology strategies to ensure we don’t get stuck in unhelpful patterns of thinking (the ‘mean little myth’), and be able to rewrite our story to serve us better in the future.
The three tools he suggests are:
Start with your narrative - tell yourself your story, and identify the truths and false truths that have defined your life so far.
Adopt a more compassionate, positive stance: appreciating your strengths and your natural attributes
Cut through your story: already there are more creditable things for you to notice, that you haven’t taken into account. Yet. Accept it is safe and that you can let go of the ‘mean little myth’ to be able to move on.
This talk suggests that whilst our own stories (and the beliefs therein) might unsettle us at times, that the ‘mean little myth’ might make us wobble - it really is in our own power to steady ourselves and create a strong internal sense of rootedness and power. We have that capacity to anchor and steady ourselves too.