Favourites

What makes something a favourite - or even favoured?

Sometimes it is hard to put one’s finger on.

We all know that feeling: one of familiarity, of comfort, of delight. We know that whatever it is, our favourites say something about who we are, our history, our preferences, and our tastes. Is it nostalgia maybe, or a learned love for something? Is it an association with something or someone else? Or is it a private, secret or even guilty pleasure that you keep to yourself?

Our favourites are our known ways to enjoy ourselves. Shortcuts to pleasure. We know they will elicit that mix of joy and satisfaction. They will put a smile on our face, reliably.

And we’ll often share our favourites with others, in the hope they might enjoy them too. But how weird when they don’t love them quite like we do!

‘It’ll change your life’ says one friend about music that in fact leaves another friend cold.

‘Its just the best’ says a sister about a holiday venue that doesn’t always turn out to be quite the ‘best’ that you had hoped for.

So when someone offers their favourite as one you might claim for your own, we are relying on how much we trust the taste of someone else - are they a reliable witness or source? How do we know we can trust someone else’s opinion or preference? How would you persuade someone else of your favourite?

Maybe in the end its less about what it is, but how it makes you feel that needs communicating.

My favourites have changed over the years. Some things stay the same, but so many things that I thought I once could not live without, are now just happy memories, neither essentials nor firing those flames of passion. Some things even evoke some embarrassment or shame.

And now life with children means my favourite things have changed - I prefer sleep to late nights, I want to look after my health rather than act recklessly with it, I enjoy my work more and more. My tastes have changed in this part of my life, with this partner, in this home around us and our family.

For many women I meet, it feels like a guilty secret to share that you prefer an early night to a night out on the town. For some reason, some people’s preferences appear more acceptable that others. But does that not affect our enjoyment of what we prefer: without caveat, without judgement, without excuse?

This exercise is to remind you of what you love - of what reliably puts a smile on your face - whatever it is, and whether anyone else enjoys it or not! As you are thinking, you might be challenging old stories of what you prefer. You might stumble across a new preference that doesn’t seem as acceptable as others - not cool enough, not out there enough.

Well, so what?

To know what makes us happy - regardless of others and those tastemakers out there - is the goal here.

To begin with…

What do you already know about your tastes?

What do they say about you?

How have your favourites changed over the years?

What has surprised you, and what might have surprised others?

With age and experience - what would you tell your younger self about your preferences? And what might you remind your older self to come?

What are your favourites?

Below is a list of possible favourites - and some spaces for some of your own. I wonder what this month’s favourites are - and how (and why) they might change over time. I wonder what it tells you about where you have come from, where you are now, and what you are taking forward into the future.

Try to think about your favourites today - rather than churn out the same old same old response. Answer as if today - rather than a former self. Having said that, some favourites remain in place a long time. What do they say about you and that time in your life?

Some ‘favourites’ might not be a thing for you - you might loathe going to the theatre, for example.

And you might feel very out of touch with some of these ‘favourites’. Give yourself time. Reach into those experiences we often race through in life. Think back to moments that have touched you, meant something, or when you have enjoyed yourself. See what comes up.

Favourite film

Favourite album

Favourite book

Favourite TV show

Favourite piece of theatre

Favourite comedian

Favourite item of clothing

Favourite dish of food

Favourite item in your home

Favourite bed linen

Favourite seat in the house

Favourite smell

Favourite view

Favourite song to dance to

Favourite room in the house

Favourite person to laugh with

Favourite way of exercising

Favourite drink

Favourite time of the day

Favourite time of the year

Favourite piece of art

Favourite venue

Favourite place to listen to something

Favourite place to read

Favourite sweet treat

Favourite flower

Now some for you. What have I missed?

Favourite…

Favourite…

Favourite…

And which of the above do you hope to share with someone else - a friend, a partner, a child?

Which favourite would you pass on beyond all others?

How would you communicate why they need it in their lives?

In this month of enjoyment - seek out and find a favourite that will remind you of what you love, and why.

Enjoy!