What gets in the way of rest?
There are a hundred things that get in the way of our rest - so many things on the to-do list that to-don’t get done! And it is this never ending cycle of to-do’s that can often feel the most in the way - the washing is never done, the rhythm of family and working life unforgiving, and the sense of needing to always be ‘ON’ a reality for most mothers.
Sadly, no magic wand is going to resolve this. However, when we want and need to bring in greater degrees of REST this month, allowing ourselves the choice to step off the hamster wheel for a moment, is in itself a radical act. Deciding that the wheels will not fall off if the washing up is not done, but that a nap/read/walk could be of greater value to you right now, feels like a rebellion. And it is - because we have all been conditioned to believe that we need to go! go! go! Even in December. How very cruel.
Also, we can find rest in doing things that need to get done - it is not all about the early night or daytime nap. Instead, this activity invites you to consider ways of doing all the things that need to get done - but in a way that can feel restful not stressful; energising not depleting.
This activity is noticing the things that are most demanding of our time and attention - and being able to bring a bit more objectivity and strategy to them. It is also about cultivating that sense of agency: there are choices we can make about how we spend our time - including building in precious and important moments of restoration and rest, even when getting things done.
Have a look at the list below - and ask yourself two questions:
How much, out of 10, does this activity demand my attention?
What could I do, think, or feel differently, to cultivate moments or feelings of rest within activity or commitment?
For example, household chores seem to demand 8/10 of my time and attention - they never seem to stop.
However, I tend to feel better if I address the washing, but with a bit more of a window in which to complete it - and whilst listening to a good podcast as I do it. I get the job done, but add a moment being able to think differently along the way. It is not conventional rest - but I feel rested as I put the socks out to dry.
Which of the following demand your attention?
Household chores - including tidying, cleaning, clearing up, washing, folding, putting things away
Work (outside of contracted/expected work hours)
Your phone - including scrolling through social media, reading the news, watching things to switch off, messages and group chats, planning, keeping to commitments (and on and on ad infinitum. Our phones can rule our lives these days).
Childcare - including drop offs, pick ups, play, activity, engaging and doing stuff with your children
Caring responsibilities
Fitness and exercise
Pets and animal care
Social events
Creative activities (some people call them hobbies - but I’m so keen on the word. I find it a bit patronising…)
Volunteering or being part of something outside of work or family
Other commitments - be they religious, community oriented, care for someone else
(Add any other tasks or commitments that scream out as important)
So now, identify - how much do these activities, tasks or commitments require your attention (out of 10 - and the total list of scores will not add up to 10; rather this is an arbitrary, subjective and non-mathematical way of tuning in to what demands our attention most, and how)?
Then consider - what could I think, feel or do differently to add more restful opportunities into the equation? Could you listen to some gentle music as your ferry children around in a car? Could you listen to a audio story as you do the washing up? Could you ensure you stay for only-so-long at that work ‘do’, and decide in advance who you might try to engage with - rather than staying indefinitely and bounce around speaking to everyone?
Sleep is not the only answer - but thinking about how to create restful moments in the clamour of our day can be as relaxing and energising as a good night’s sleep.