Knowing what to prune

Earlier on in the year, we looked at Stephen Covey’s Circles of Influence and Concern - those concentric circles of concern then influence, that identifies what feels in, or out of, our control.

I thought the circles could give us a chance to lean in further to what we can influence and therefore what we can control. This might give us the reminder that we have choices over what we keep in our lives, and choice as to what needs to be pruned - either in what we do or how we think.

Below is a 5 minute reminder of how the circles work - and how you can use them to focus on what you can do something about. It is still quite business oriented (this feels like the most humane version of it I can find!) but it reminds us how much choice we have over our where we focus our energy and time; and we will always have control over what we think, at the very least.

Below the video are some questions to get you thinking more decisively about what needs cutting back this month, and how you’ll go about achieving that outcome.

An example

This month in my letters to my daughters, I shared an example of the choice to prune swimming lessons for my children from our weekly schedule. I have always thought that it was one of my most important jobs - ensuring the children learn to swim. Like eating broccoli or riding a bike, this was essential parenting - and that the best way to achieve this was most probably through weekly lessons.

Truth is, neither of my children have loved swimming lessons. Despite this, I then felt it was the sort of parental territory where I had to keep firm, stick to my guns, and encourage them to do something that they would in time, be grateful for.

Well, this week I challenged my own thinking to get to the bottom of whether to keep these lessons going, or not. I challenged whether it was necessary, and whether there might be an alternative way to learn to swim - swimming at the weekends at times that suited us.

I challenged whether we could afford lessons, and whether the money might be better spent on other things too.

I challenged whether I needed to be the kind of parent that ‘stuck to my guns’ about something - or whether I might prefer to enjoy going with the flow of family harmony and enjoyment. Why fight it?

So, on many fronts, it was ME that had to change my thoughts and feelings to be able to make a good decision - and prune back. Nothing else had to change, but it has created a positive change for all of us. I took control of a decision and made it with greater ease, once I had decided it was me standing in its way.

So today, what are you standing in the way of, and what thoughts of feelings would serve the situation better? Below are some further questions to help you get thinking.

Reflections (what?)

What is taking up your attention at the moment and causing any degree of negative feelings?

What might you worry about late in the evening or in the middle of the night?

What keeps cropping up on your to-do list that feels like a burden or a chore?

Questions (so what?)

How could you think about this situation differently?

How could you feel about this situation differently?

What could you do differently?

What is it, about this situation, that needs cutting back - is it your time, your energy, or something else?

Outcomes (now what?)

What would it give you to not think or worry about this situation so much?

What needs to happen next and when?

Who else needs to know about this cut back - who will it affect?

I hope these questions apply to a multitude of scenarios - but you might also begin to design your own self-reflective questions to help you interrogate what needs to go from you life, and why.