October - PRUNE
In the garden this month, we are waiting for the last blooms to fade and fall, allowing all of summer’s growth to drink in its last drop of sunshine and warmth before we move to the colder months of Autumn.
In terms of the natural cycles around us then, we celebrate the harvest - a feasting on the labour that has gone before. We see the leaves begin to brown and fall, conkers let loose from their prickly cases. We see grasses cut back, or dying back naturally and staying wet for longer in the mornings. Dew-dropped spider webs are glorious at this time of year and lucky for me, my garden is full of them.
And as the garden slows, it’s time to cut away the deadwood, the overgrown, the dying back. We protect the plants as we head to winter and ensure good growth for next year. We are heading towards a rest and restore phase, so much of which happens below the surface and out of sight.
This month in the membership, we consider different sorts of pruning: that which helps us grow in time, that which protects us from things unhelpful or toxic, that which allows us to breath a bit more easily.
We begin to go in - both physically and mentally - and require a different rhythm for our work, rest and play. We are at a point of change, that means we rethink our clothes, our plans, our diets. I absolutely love Autumn, but for others it can feel transitional, unsettling.
I will share resources and ideas that help us to cut back, throw out and deadhead. Hard as it can be - and emotional too at times - this ‘making way’ for something new is a necessary part of change for the good.
We might consider what it takes to say ‘no’ - especially for any ‘people pleasers’ who find it particularly uncomfortable. We’ll also think about what needs to be cut back - pruned to bring simplicity to a situation - leaving what is vital, life giving and under the surface.
We’ll reflect on what we need to let go of, chuck out or pass on to someone else - in order to bring in breathing space and clarity. And that might include a consideration of what is on our control, and what is not.
We’ll check out Steven Covey’s Circles of Influence and Concern to help us turn our attention to what we have influence over, and in doing so, prune away those things out of our control that can so often cause stress and anxiety.
In this period of pruning, shedding and detoxifying - what is it you need to let go of? What beliefs, assumptions or expectations need culling - or at least a thorough mulch? What might be holding you back, and in your way, rather than letting to move forward without baggage?
Decluttering: pruning our stuff
Pruning the stuff we have around us can be a good way to take control of our environment and feel like choices are being made. In a busy family home, it is very easy to let stuff (paperwork, toys, trinkets) get on top of us - and even harder to find the time to work through it. At this time of year, set some simple intentions and build some simple habits that allow you to prune the stuff around you.
Letters to my daughters: PRUNE
It’s difficult to let go of things, sometimes - especially when they appear to be a good idea. But in fact recognising what serves us, in the here and now, can be a good habit to learn in your lives. I wish I had learned it sooner!
Stripping back to basics
Have a look at a new tool I am using to help with pruning back to the basics in life: the Get Productive Grid. Don’t be put off by the name; I won’t hold you to being more productive! But I think its a good tool to help identify what is most important, what needs to be acted upon and when, and to help bring some helpful perspective on all aspects of life - not just the pressing bits about work or family that often dominate our thoughts and actions.
Knowing what to prune
Knowing what needs pruning, and then applying the right frame of mind for that, is not always obvious. This activity - with a reminder about what is, and what is not, in our control - could help you identify what needs pruning and what it will give you once you have cut back.
Learning how to say ‘no’.
In this reading and video, I explore some of the reasons why - at both conscious and unconscious levels - we often say Yes when we need to say No. The talk by Dr. Aviv finishes with a great manifesto for how to learn to say no, without apology, with confidence.
Do Less - Kate Northrup
Here is both a summary of key ideas - and the full audiobook! - for Kate Northrup’s ‘Do Less’ - a ‘revolutionary approach to time and energy management for busy moms’. You can hear her speak about some of the reasons why she wrote this book, and how we arrived at her experiments in this short interview. For a philosophy that requires us to ‘do less’, there is a quite a long list of ways to think and be that encourages the ‘do less’ in practice. Forgive the contradiction - and I’d love to see what you think of this!
Four Thousand Weeks - Oliver Burkeman
This is an introduction to Oliver Burkeman’s brilliant Four Thousand Weeks. All the time management in the world pales into insignificance when you begin to identify what is most meaningful to you - and you begin to embrace an attitude of having less, to be able to enjoy more the things you want and cherish most in life. In our month of PRUNING - what can we actively say goodbye to - and enjoy the JOY of missing out on - so that we can spend the precious and limited time we have available on what is most important to us?
What is most important to me?
Reminding ourself of what is most important in life can give us the permission to really attend to it - sometimes at the joyful exclusion of others things. Starting with our values, it can be helpful to recognise where they show up, and help us make choices over how we think, feel and behave. In addition, knowing what can legitimately be cut back or let go of, to make ample space for what is most important, can be hugely liberating.
The Big Prune
And so to the action. What will you do, now you have justified some refocusing of your precious time and energy? Here are a list of provocative questions to help you take some decisive action this month. My gift to you… some gentle accountability to start finding simplicity, clarity of purpose and more of what you most want.