June: INVITE
And so here we are, skipping on to summer. Those months of warmth, of pace, of adventure. Those months of being out later in the evenings and making plans for the weekend. (Every weekend.) And in our gardens or green spaces nearby, those months of lazy buzzing as insects inspect what is on offer, flower by flower. Those chances to sit out, eat out, picnic, relax. I love how summer heat can slow things down. I love how the warmth invites us to swing in a hammock, lie in the rays, take a moment.
The weather recently has been such a gift to the garden, and everything is coming into bloom. It is a time of potential and hope as we begin to reap the rewards of the planning, the tending, the nurturing we did in the winter and spring months.
The insects are noticing it too - as the garden starts to thrum with the flight of bees and beetles from flower to flower. Living in the city as I do, I am always very welcoming to any creature who would like to come an hang out in my garden - not least because the circle of life needs them to visit.
The summer months for some, though, can be fast-paced and uncomfortable: us buzzing from flower to flower in our own ways, wringing every drop out of outdoor activity, social events and after school park fun. If we are not careful we can feel frazzled in the heat, depleted and tired, ready and grateful to crawl back into our autumnal shells again. Summer can feel like hard work. Why are we not enjoying it more?
Summers of my youth were the months that I craved - days of lolling about, swimming, watching telly, bike rides, reading and playing with my sisters. Those months contained organised and disorganised fun. Sleep overs, summer fetes, camping in the garden. But I never really stopped to think about how much effort went into our entertainment during that time. No wonder we looked forward to it!
As a mother now, I am finding myself swept up by invitations and plans to meet and share meals and rare outdoor performances and picnics and wild swims and and and… as if the summer months naturally come with extra energy on tap. Sure, the sun gives me energy. And sure, the joy of meeting and sharing time with my loved ones fills me up - to a degree.
But I think back to 6 months ago in the winter, and I was more than happy to be in, to be quiet, to rest. I haven't sourced some extra magical energy since then - it's still me, doing my best, with the resources I have available.
And so I invite you to wonder: what would the summer months look like if they moved at the perfect pace? How would you restore your energy when you need to, and be able to notice when it dips? Who will you invite into your space, and how will you know when you need to be alone? Who will you invite in, when will you enjoy being out, and what invitations are you able to say no to?
INVITE
This month, the resources will give you opportunities to reflect on what we choose to invite into our worlds, and what we might want to protect ourselves from. In short, we will consider the various boundaries in our lives, and whether they are working well for us - or not.
We will explore what sits within, or outside, those boundaries, and how permeable they may need to be. We will think about how boundaries are there not to shield us, but to ensure that we are able to notice what we need and respond accordingly. We’ll look at what boundaries are (in practice), why they help, how to sustain them - and what happens if they are breached.
We’ll also pick up on conversations in the group coaching last month about making friends in adulthood. It’s not easy! And so often it is guided by our children’s friends or activities. How do we go about building our own communities of friends - those people that really get to know us - as an adult?
There are also a couple of activities about the people we have in our lives (the real ones) - those radiators or drains that might need a boundary or two; and an activity about the different characters (or parts) that make up who we are on the inside. We all come with a collection of voices and identities - some supportive and helpful, other less so. We all have more choice than we realise to invite those real or imagined characters to come in more - or invite them to step back a bit.
The exercise ‘Coming In, Going out’ helps us fine tune those choices and help us choose what we invite in this month. I look forward to discussing some or all with you at the end of the month! X
Making friends in adulthood
A Guardian article with some sage advice and experiences to share that whilst it feels different - possiby more difficult - to make friends in your adulthood, there are some simple things to do and remember along the way.
The secret to making new friends as an adult: TED talk
This TED talk shares some of the ways in which we might need to adapt - or make effort - in how we make friends as an adult. Parenting can be lonely enough - but it might also involve a move away from our childhood friends, or communities that know us. Who will we invite in to our lives? Who is waiting for you to appear in theirs?
The Guest House
The Guest House by Rumi talks of inviting all feelings in, of allowing them all a place to come and be welcome. It suggests invitation, choice, agency - and paradoxically how little control we have (or need to have) over who turns up at our door.
What are boundaries and why do they matter? Podcast Episode
Most people think they have good boundaries. But when pressed, they can’t often explain what their boundaries are — let alone maintain positive ones. Nancy Kalina Gomez, explains that boundaries aren’t about being defensive or hostile. Healthy boundaries strengthen our ability to honour our needs and wants, showing the world how we expect to be treated.
10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries
Understanding how to set personal limits is essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships. Knowing about our different boundaries allow us to live comfortably, reducing the stress caused by being stretched beyond what feels ok to us. By knowing about our boundaries, we are able to communicate what others can expect of us and how to manage relationships with greater ease.
Radiators and Drains
Do we feel the radiated heat of others, and in doing so feel energised and nourished by their presence? Or do we feel depleted and drained by our interactions with some people? This article helps identify who is who in your life - and what to do to protect yourself from the drains.
Coming in, Going out
Coming in, going out. When we invite things into our life, we often need to make room and accept that simultaneously, we have to say goodbye to something else. Making room for what feels valuable, this month, might require some thinking about what you need to let go of too.
Cast of Characters
In this activity, we think about the parts of ourselves that we most want to invite in this month. Made up of a cast of characters, we have the ability to rely more on some characters that others - and sometimes those that hold us up take centre stage. This month, consider the characters in your cast, and who needs encouraging onto stage a bit more frequently.